I just want to say a big thank you to everyone who has followed my blog or liked any of my posts. Seeing my thoughts in print and knowing someone likes them has been amazingly therapeutic. I feel like a different person in the course of a few days, so much more sure of myself and where I am going. Blogging has given me great clarity on subjects I have been pondering for a long time which have caused personal anguish and self doubt. Of course, I am talking about my career and relationships, what else is there? As well as the desire to have a fixed location for a time, as much as that sounds like settling. Somehow writing it all out and thinking about it more theoretically has taken a lot of the sting out of these decisions and past failures. It is amazing to think that all this time I just needed an outlet for my musings to stop thinking I was crazy to think the way I do. The fact that I have a blog doesn’t quite make me an expert, but there’s something about seeing words on the page that makes me feel like a more realized human being. I feel a lot less bereft knowing there is at least someone out there that likes what I have to say and isn’t just saying it, and somehow that makes all the difference, self-validation notwithstanding.
This has launched me into ass-kicking mode. I’ve been listening to Saliva and cruising the streets of Philadelphia, hunting and gathering my requisite Wendy’s and Chipotle with renewed vigor. I just don’t feel so bad and don’t blame myself for not having everything I want just yet. I don’t feel like I was at fault for just being myself, and I am not going to tone it down so that people like me. This has had the unfortunate side effect of making a hilarious/witty/snide comment to my oldest best friend which I later apologized for, but overall I think I am in better shape than I was before and not likely to fall prey to the same mistake of making excuses for people. I’m studying for my finance exam and getting it, which is not so bad for my self esteem either, at least until the exam rolls around tomorrow morning. So thank you for listening, it really means a lot. And wish me luck!
bisous until we meet again,