is that the more I write and post, the greater the hunger for response, and the greater the fear of losing what is mine in pleasing and in seeking to please. The more I like my writing, the more I want it to be shared. The better the writing reflects me, the more people who I want to know me, I want to share it with. But then comes the fear of rejection, and even the fear of pleasing because then I might get addicted to it. Is it better to let the self remain a secret? I think not, because that is keeping your light under a bushel basket, and it is a relief to be true self, and is that much more satisfying to love and be loved. Yes to be loved, because to be more deeply allows me to love more deeply. It feels like I am a little more realized words hit the page, and the pages aren’t hidden.
I’ve written in journals for years, but it has only become cohesive once I’ve had an audience. Not sure what that says about me, but I am happy to feel whole. After all, we are social creatures, and even John Donne says “No man is an island.”
It is amazing how many fears have subsded since I started writing. I am not afraid of making a mistake, living the wrong life, or somehow letting some “one” (person, place, thing, experience) get away. I know how I am and it is out in the world, so how could I fail to attract my homologues, and what is due the person I truly am? If I act as something else, I cannot attract what reflects my true self, but now that I am just out there, i am so much less afraid of people liking me or not. I guess I just know I am, and other people will too. And they can, if they choose, know who that is. I know I exist not as the lines itself but what is between then, the unwritten, that is communicated in the place between languages, truly what is unlost in translation.