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I have a tendency to believe that anything I don’t have and really want, I don’t deserve yet. I need to work harder, develop greater self-awareness, become more giving etc. While all these ideas have merit, I do deserve many things. I do deserve to be happy and get my non-dumb desires, but sometimes things just aren’t in season yet. There is nothing wrong with the fact that I don’t have bananas just yet- now is the time for blueberries. A friend explained to me that sometimes, you just have to accept that life has certain seasons and it may or may not be your time yet. He’s working on getting acting jobs, and it can be tough. We are both people who truly wish for deep relationships, but it just hasn’t happened for either of us yet. I’m still having my career path emerge. Sometimes we want to just skip to the finish line, or at least to having a clear, reasonable path ahead, but life isn’t like that.

Enlightenment, logical thinker that I am, I tend to think of it in terms of an extension of karma. I “deserve” the good and bad that come to me, and I feel like we often unwittingly punish ourselves for crimes not committed. The truth is, if you don’t believe you deserve something, you won’t let yourself get it. There’s always failure of both failure and success, because we all (even globetrotting me not to brag) fear change. We fear anything that will really change our view of the world, and liking yourself enough to think you are loveable and capable and deserving of good things is a pretty big change for a ot of people. But without that change, you will be miserable until you get whatever thing it is you want and strive for, and getting it will seem more like a validation of yourself as a person and reward for your efforts rather than what it is, a gift from God. Just like your next breath, and the fact that you were born in a place and time where people know how to read and are fortunate enough to be literature yourself.

There is a relationship between effort and reward, but there’s also a relationship between effort and attitude. This is where the positive thinking techniques and motivational quotes come in. Besides, do youreally need thing x to be happy? Can’t you just enjoy this moment for what it is? It doesn’t mean you should stop striving, but it does mean you should let go a little, and have a little hope. I know you are working hard out there getting through school or a healthy routine or building a relationship or what have you, but the fact that you haven’t achieved your goals yet doesn’t make you less of a worthy person than you will be when you do achieve them. And you are much more likely to make the effort when you feel like you deserve it and that it’s possible to achieve. That said, all the positive thinking in the world doesn’t plant the seeds, it just prepares the soil, and you need to tend your crop of hopes. Wow really that extended metaphor? I guess what I am trying to say has a bit to do with the Dionysius, god of the harvest and drunken revelation and resurrection from winter to spring. There’s a bit of mystery involved here, and you do need to have a little faith. it wil make eyour life much more pleasant, and if all else fails go have a Bacchanalius.

The point is, it’s not your fault. Not always. Especially with a lot of the nonlinear things that have a ton of unknowns and are simply, at a certain point, out of your control. But chillax, hold on, and believe in yourself a little bit. Smile. Don’t get lost in the traps of the mind, Enlightenment thinker or not. You can’t always know the reason, and you can’t always control the result, so just chill. Never know what God has up its sleeve. And let’s go with Napoleon Hill

“Every adversity, failure, or heartache carries with it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.” This dude is in the top ten books sold around the world and was writing during the Depression, so take it in.

The key is not to blame your failure of not having everything you want, knowing what you want, knowing how to get it, etc, andfeel bad about not getting from Point A to Point B yet. It’s all about the journey, not the destinaton, and for all you know, something even better than you could have imagined is in stor for you. I feel exactly that way about the things that have caused me a lot of heartache since I graduated from college and have tried to find my place in the world. I could never have imagined where I would be now, and everything I thought was a setback actually paved the way for amazing growth. Hope you all have similar experiences. But in the meantime, accept and love yourself where you are.

bisous,

MJ

 

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