I think a lot of us long for security and stability, as much as these things are relatively illusory. I say that because only love remains. But do we really want to execute according to a detailed plan? Do we really want to know where the path will lead us?
No, not really.
I just watched a French romcom about a woman who married a total fool because she wanted to marry her partner of 10 years but all the women in her family had bad first marriages. So the plan was to marry the con roughly translated as fool or jerk and then divorce him so that things would go well. Of course, as luck woudl have it, she ends up falling in love with the second man, the con who is adventurous and daring when she gets to know him.
I want to say yes to Life. I want to know how best to do that. I guess the secret is that we all do what we really want. Do I really want to stay in Paris? If I do I can make any justification, and it will be all the harder since I’ve spent a week justifying leaving essentially. I don’t need to have a good reason to stay though- if I really want to do it, I will and I will fight like a tiger, like a warrior who has burned the bridges behind him, to find a good job and live well here. That’s not to say that if I go back, I won’t come to Paris after I graduate and do the same thing if it’s really meant to be.
God will tell me the answer, I will listen to my heart, and when I KNOW, I will know.
Peace be with you.