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it’s a healthy sign.  Here I am talking about temporary separation, not just in space and time but in text, call, etc, more so than . It’s petrifying when you are insecure, but once discussed as respectfully giving space,  that little bit of reassurance turns it into something different.  Yes, I’m not talking to him now, but I will be soon.  I trust you, I know you still care.  Love can often be about all the literal rituals and sharing the day to day, but maybe it can show itself in the little parenthesis. The anticipation of knowing your lover will return, or you will return to your lover.  Attached and trusting, not fearful and clinging.

I think the real sign you care for someone is when there are gaps in conversation and a hesitation to hang up over the phone.  It’s not even as though the person is in front of you, it is not like you are engaged in some other form of constructive activity together, you can’t even regard their smiling visage. Still, there is such pleasure knowing the other person is on the end of the line, and even if you don’t say “I love you” (yet…) you don’t want to say goodbye.

Silence between lovers is so important, because so much of what’s important in a relationship is not about words. If it were about words, heterosexual love would probably be impossible looking at how guys usually just caveman grunt their way through life and girls talk at hyperspeed about every little thing. So much of love is silent. Kissing, handholding, eating, waiting for the other person to speak, etc.

All forms of language, written, spoken, small gestures, and body language, convey meaning through symbols. Language helps us communicate by giving common conventional notions of reality that are passed from one person to another. But language distorts.  Silence and separation are in same ways where love really lie. Your perceptions of the world can never fully merge, and emotions can only be expressed to a certain extent. Fusion isn’t really love. Choosing to touch someone requires some space between, and it happens so much without words. Yes your words are lovely, but so is your voice and your hands, and just knowing you are there.

There’s no need to fear the dark of night, it is just part of the day.  Without the dark, how could day break? So too is apartness the necessary ingredient for togetherness, the trusting, nurturing darkness that helps us grow and rejuvenate.  Fear not.

 

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