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Being a grad school student, I have a great opportunity to transition into a new career path. I could broaden my experience arguing for transferable skills and specialize later, or I could continue doing what I’ve been doing. i could do something similar to what I loved this summer in my internship, though not with the same company and ideally in Paris.

I do know that I am passionate about expanding access to knowledge through open educational resources, but I feel as though I am more of an evangelist than start upper at this point. Heard from someone who did a start up after careers in investment banking, management consulting, and fund management, and it seems it wasn’t surcuh a bad thing to do a start up a little later in life. It also makes me wonder why people work and so hard. He clearly doesn’t need it to survive, and he might even put in more hours than a normal working person. Who knows?

Some people do managage to do it all, but porabbly at the cost of spontaneity and probably becaus ethey are super organizaed. Who knows?

The point is, woe is me, I don’t know what to do with my life? What’s the meaning of my life, what’s the meaning of life in general? Why will someone hire me?

What will keep me in France? What will keep me on the right track?

What do I really want to do?

Right now I’m trying to decide if the dream I’ve only yet seen in glimpses will be the dream, or at least an integral part of it. Here’s the hard part trying to tell what your heart is saying, and also what the market is asking for, but more importantly giving your heart all the information it needs to send you on the right path.

I used to say I didn’t know what I wanted and wasn’t sure of what my passion was.  Still working on interests even. i guess I’m still in a pretty embryonic face of my development. But anytime going in the direction against your best interests and against your heart, is time wasted and force lost. It’s hard to know what is good and honorable but really nearly all things are. All that warrior zen might be an indication that there’s nothing wrong with being competitive and winning, or the task in question.

Don’t ask- what can you do? Don’t even ask- what do you think you should do? Ask- What do you want to do? And listen. And do it. And don’t don’t don’t give in to the voices of doubt. Don’t give in to the demons within.

No one can protect you when you turn your strength inwards, against yourself. But look how strong you are, even after you have weakened yourself! Wow, it will be incredible to put this force somewhere where it will not lose it’s wildness, lose it’s inner nature, but will be harvested for good. Surely it wasn’t meant to burn you, as integrity wasn’t meant as a punishment for corruption.

God is everywhere, God is for everyone, but one must choose, or rather, own, one’s path. The second you feel it’s not you are own you are a slave. Wake up! Ask the right questions. Believe, but in yourself. And don’t don’t don’t ignore when your heart is listening.

Thanks for listening!

MJ

 

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