So I did get a response back from the dude today. He loved the blog I sent him, and he said hi to my family which he thinks is the ideal family. Lol. I do have a wonderful family, that’s for sure. He told me not to stress and that he’d call soon, and was feeling better today.  I wonder if he has any idea of my capacity for worry, or anything similar to it himself.  Or…insert myriad fears concerns and insecurities and uncertainties here.

There are a variety of totally defendable reasons to procrastinate on my finance project

1 Boy troubles? drama? sadness parting hope joy possibility unknown

2 getting used to America again

3 My teacher wasn’t that great and the scope of the project was out of line

4 am I ever going to use this anyway?

5 can’t i just relax a little? besides I have so much to do before I go start school again in philly anyway

and most important

7 Finance is just a bunch of BS. It has little or no impact on the real operations of the business, is barely just a step up from number crunching, and seriously, the newfound prominence of finance is responsible in part for the financial crisis, the fiscal cliff, and all the junk that comes from putting it in front of the real economy. Even the finance textbook said that it was pointless and basically crappy financial decisions can hurt a company but the real growth and value is going to come from the business’ actual operations, not the manipulation of numbers on a spreadsheet that represent abstract concepts that are abstractions of abstractions since economics is so much better.

Reasons to do the project

1 I need to pass the course to continue my program and get my degree

2 I need to do well enough to keep my scholarship

3 I’m obvs a smart you know what and this is just another chance to prove it, by scoring a touchdown at the last minute

4 Get it over with

5 why should i let emotional stuff get in the way of business….wait who said that?

6 i can’t care too much about the dude it becomes hurtful for the rest of my life, what’s so great about him anyway

7 make my parents proud

* Here’s an exciting idea: let’s turn this finance project into a meta-analysis of overcoming procrastination, the meaning of the mba in my life, or just look at it as an opportunity to observe. Let’s take a deep breath, pull our sleeves up, stop comparing myself to my proactive type a classmates, quit talking about how i should have done it earlier, quit complaining that it’s bullshit, and just do the work to drown the voices out (not scary voices, just you know, all the mental chatter). And I’ve just got to do it, might as well do it now…

He conquers, who endures. Perseus


And maybe I’ll just forgive myself for being imperfect, just this once, for having this little potential character flaw and sometimes bad habit (I wasn’t always like this), maybe I’ll just understand I’m rebelling against something stupid and I’m not sure exactly who or what it is. Maybe I will admit I’m kinda waiting by the phone since he said he would call [maybe he won’t though], maybe I’ll embrace this opportunity for creative self expression.

Maybe I’ll try to deide what I really want.

Maybe I’ll just play the game, suck it up, and do the work for now.

Maybe I’ll just let it be.

As long as I get it done in the next 73 hours…

Please, wish me luck!