It might be time to stop wondering about whether the dude in Paris ever really liked me, if it was meaningful to him, if he will stay in touch, if I was crazy, etc. I know he cared about me, but he wasn’t as open as I would have liked him to be. And we didn’t really know each other that well.
The truth is that he was a nice guy and treated me well and we had fun. If I had been set to stay, maybe things would have developed, or developed differently. But that’s not what the situation is.
Thinking in retrospect and our last conversation, I wonder if we really would have been good together. I’d like to remember him fondly, and I think I will, and I’d like to keep in touch, and I think we will. But I’m not really in love with him, and I don’t know if we are really right for each other. He’s a great guy though. I really respect Y, and I wish he would respect and admire me the way I do him. I would love his stamp of approval.
And then I remember, I like myself. I have my moments, and I’m human, but most of the time I’m pretty awesome. Even when I have my moments and have emotional needs. So I don’t need him to realy like me, and if he doesn’t, why would I want him in my life?
I feel almost guilty for saying that, and like I’m the rejectee rejecting the rejector, although he didn’t really reject me. But he wasn’t as open, or at least so I perceive. Maybe in the future, we will meet again and things will be different. Life is long, who know’s what will happen next. I’m thankful for all the good things even if they are in the past and sometimes hard to let go of.
I know that good things fall apart so better things can come together. Looking forward to it;)