A dangerous topic for a night when I still have stuff to do. At least I find it genuinely interesting. Business law. Any other takers?
Working up the guts to really put a getting a job strategy in France. Well, not just in France, but to get a job that is really right for me, and figure out what’s most important. Because when I try to decide if I want to live in France and hitch my wagon to that guiding star, I have to say, I don’t want to live in France under any and all circumstances. I want to live there under conditions of interesting work, building my career, and making a sustainable income.
So that begs the questions, what is interesting work? What is my career?
It’s better to work with a little desire, some fire at the fingertips, than sheer willpower. While they say action trumps everything and obstacles should be faced head on, sometimes it is important to ask, well, why are these internal obstacles there? I think it is wrong to try to go against what your heart is telling you and steamroller over the objections in the pit of your stomach, in the place you are afraid to tell people about. It is important to act with integrity in everything you do, and to know why you are doing it.
A tall order, most would say. A vain effort, perhaps. Spoiled first world problems, says another voice inside my head.
What do I really want?
It can seem like the most daunting question in the world.
Does anyone want complete freedom?
What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
Is there a “real” you that is being blocked by the circumstances? Is “you” kind of sort of created by circumstances, self-integrity nothwithstanding? Who are “you” and what is desire?
Desire is something you feel. Desire is where everything comes from. Desire is the fire in your belly that consumes all obstacles. Desire lights a candle in prayer asking God for help. Desire gives you light on the cold dark night.
Desire, it can burn. It can illuminate. It can give meaning. It can make the stakes so high, life so unbearably real.
With desire, one is forced to be alive. To accept this real life in front of them now, and act on it. Surprisingly, I find that with real desire, contemplation is more poignant as well. Desire is the motion that gives birth to stillness, and real peace of heart and mind.
Most of us walk around trying to predict our lives and shuffle towards distraction like zombies. We look for the fire outside ourselves, and are consumed by it.
Yet if we let that fire rise within ourselves, we will be continuously transformed by it, and our outer circumstances as well.
Desire is dangerous, because it brings risk and change. Desire abhors continuity, stability, just living with it. Because desire requires being alive.
I don’t think desire, whether for riches or to create art or what have you, is a noble thing in itself. And it must be balanced by other desires, or it will consume everything in its path.
But like fire, desire makes us human.
Perhaps the best way to uncover desire is not to stare into the blank canvas of the future, but to look back and within.
What has been driving you all along?