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The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.- Eleanor Roosevelt

I’ve looked far and wide for the right dream. I’ve checked the measurements, read the reviews, researched the specifications.

I’ve tried them on in store after store, hating how I looked in the mirror. I’ve read the first page, and sighed in anguish.

I’ve quilted and patched and crocheted and knotted, trying to make something of my own. I’ve added a dash of cinnamon here and pumpkin spice there, some cilantro and thyme and nutmeg.

I’ve tried scarlet, gold, green, black, purple, turquoise blue.

I’ve traveled the world, singing to U2, “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.” I’ve searched the souks, bargained with sheiks, went to those medieval-style fairs selling amber and honey, walked all the malls.

And how many books I’ve read, how many Ipods shuffled through, how many hours pounding the pavement, applications sent off with a click, hours spent pouring over pinterest.

I’ve browsed your blogs, parsed your quotes, taken personality test after OKcupid quiz.  I’ve moulded play-doh and chipped at hard marble, gazing at the Pyramids and even raiding Forbidden City tombs.

And there was a moment that I quit. That I felt the search would never be worth it, that there was nothing to find only a purchase to settle for. Something to tailor after the fact, something to exchange, something made for me maybe but in a younger time.

So I checked out, gave up all those other items on layaway, and packed my bags back. I planned to settle, to stay in my old house, relax, and know what it felt like to be normal. I stopped wanting to be special, and just wanted something they all could understand.

A funny thing happened on the way to the Forum, over the hills and dales and glens of childhood.

That was when I saw you, and denied you.  I thought, o, it can’t be, it’s a mirage. I left you behind, a glittering raiment not all that I asked for, impractical, ethereal but not at all strange. I looked for something to cloak my life, to give it a bit of splendor rather than survival, some fun and not just planned amusement. And so I found you.

You will be so hard to keep, long-sought treasure. They say I found you becaause I wasn’t looking, but I found you because I was ready to find.

Even today, despite your radiance and glitter, I wonder if I can follow where you lead. I don’t know yet that you’re my destiny. Destiny hasn’t come yet, but yes, I will beseech her for your sake.

O dream, o love, o lover.

Just when I thought success was in my grasp, that I could float through life and roll with the punches, I found you.

Right when I thought I was going to be a grownup, Never-never land opened its gates before me.

I’m a child again, and as we play together, I am struck with wonder and dread at the world that you open up to me.

A world of joy and sorrow, laughter and tears. Deep feeling, quiet peace, unlike anything I’ve ever known.

A life I don’t want to lose.

And so I wonder, trying to make you come true, wondering if you’ll vanish into dust, what the point of it all is.

Yes, we dream, we act, we hope, we pray, we work- but nothing in that dream is guaranteed us, not the tiniest moonbeam.

But to dream is to live, to see with the truth of a child’s eyes, to be in Heaven while yet alive, to taste earthly pleasures and divine bliss.

My dream was never separate from my life- it could not be found outside, I had to look within, at what I would have missed if I kept the drab thing I bought off someone else.

Yes, you appeared, like the perfect red dress hanging on the rack, waiting. You actually fit.

Whether the ball comes or night, let midnight turn me into a pumpkin, come what may.

You are mine like virginity not taken, you are of me like the child that hasn’t been born, you are alive like the stardust in my veins.

Yes, dream, you are beautiful in my eyes,  and since the moment I saw you, you were mine.

 

 

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