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and naked and vulnerable is how I feel now. I guess this is what living the dream and emotional integrity feel like, especially when things seem slightly out of whack.

When you are really out there not just looking for a job, but a means to live your dream, things get real really fast.

When you are visibly upset, and you honestly tell people what’s wrong, that changes things.

And then, when you are supposed to go to a fun party with said people, and actually feel a little social anxiety on a day when things were going pretty good, it feels like wanting to stay home from prom. Because disengaging would just be so much easier.

Talking to a friend about it, and geting a pep talk when you’re down, wow that’s intimate.

Sending your poetry to a (former) lover, what were you thinking? And he says “your peoms, are cool, thanks.”

It’s a brand new world out there tonight. I feel like a newborn wobbly calf. Speaking of which, I need to go clean off all the blood and guts so I can go to the spring grad school gala.

Things just got real.

What was I thinking, trying to live an authentic life? What was I thinking, taking down those barriers with others? What was I thinking, wanting to actually be liked for who I am? What am I thinking trying to do the impossible, something I really care about?

Time to go out there and find out.