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School is not really that hard, but I am finding it hard to do my work. It seems like an impediment to my real goal, which is to move to France. I had the opportunity to stay at the partner school in France where I did study abroad but was too scared to take it. Now things just seem much more complicated than they had to be.

I also am not really sure how much I believe in business, or how much if at all I ever believed in it. I stil don’t really know where I fit, and thinking like a lot of business people, I haven’t gotten much in the way of technical or immediately shovel ready skills. I guess I have to view this degree as a long term investment, but a part of me also conversely hates thinking about education like that.

In terms of critical thinking and inquiry, that has happened mostly outo f the classroom as a result of interactions wth my peers and enegaement with my environment. For the most part, classes don’t cultivate a critical mindset and instead provide a toolbox appropriate to certain super generalized situations. I guess that’s what school is, but I feel like my undergrad liberal arts degree made me a much smarter person, and I enjoyed it a heck of a lot more too.

Added to that is feeling that organized school, like organized religion compared to spirituality, is simply hampering my learning. The main benefit of school is that it provides a structured atmosphere and peers. At this all knowing 24 year old juncture in my life, I only like about 30% of what I’m doing in school I guess, or maybe less.

The most important thing I’ve learned about school is that I didn’t really need it, at least, the classroom experience. Being in school does help to learn doors and I’ve learned a lot about networking, writing resumes and cover letters, etc, plus I have the “union card” masters degree and a whole lot of travel attahced to it. However, I’m not all cynical and I hate that I look at my degree at the moment as a fancy piece of paper proving I could sit still and do what I was told for a few months.

ALthough to be frank, that’s what they are looking for. Middle managers. Not excellence, not brilliance, not even that much leadership. And how many middle management positions are there, and better quesiton, given my relative lack of experience and easily recognizable transferable skills, what am I prepared to do?

I guess the most important thing I’ve learned is to follow my heart. However, my heart is not here but this seems like a prudent and hopefully interesting way of getting there, and I simply don’t want to abandon the journey, my friends, and the fact that I’ve “branded” myself around this degree. I ifeel like the best I coan do now is not let my learning interfere with my education and not be too much of a smart ass and have a little humility left.

I am not sure about humility though, or feeling ignorant, of just blindly following conventional wisdom. I’m not really sure what a lot of my classmates are looking for, and I don’t think they are either though they are less loathe to share that. Getting a Masters degree just sounds like a ton of work just to do more work. And as far as liking it or believing itn it, that doesn’t necessarily seem to be a top of mind list of most people.

Well I’ve got 2 months to go, and I ned to manage my time better. Or rather, I need to keep my mind open just for this almost last push. I’ve learned a lot, and maybe I will learn to like it, or at least I’ll be able to get what I want and need for the next stage of my life, or rather for my life in general, out of it. Though it seems silly to spend so much time on personal reflection when I’m so busy, it seems like a better route to excellence than busyness and honestly that’s just what I need to do now.

Not to mention now that Coursera and MiTx and all kinds of places are offering free online degrees and life offers, very costly, but worthwhile ne erending lessons. School seems tso artificial. And maybe i’m just another poseur because I just want to get this degree and be done with it. I’m hoping to find some more motivation, and to believe that everything happens for a reason, and to actually just stay focused. I know thousands of millions of people have life a ton of a lot worse than I do, and I gues the best motivation is that somehow I’ll have some wisdom gained for myself and some serious self knowledge coupled with the changeto use what I know now to make a difference in some way. I’m sure that I will find it.