Business school has been a transformative experience, oftentimes violently so. Sometimes I feel like I decided to do this to impress the person I used to be. I guess I have to remember that business school has played a role in making the person I am now.
Today, I’ve worked really heard, analyzed why it feels so tough sometimes, and as usually, schemed endlessly about the next move.
Then I went out and had a few drinks with friends. Good people, even if we don’t share all the same interests. People who I always thought were cooler than me who actually like me for the way I am. They may not come to my wedding, but they are a blessing to have in my life. I’ve come a long way, to be able to relax and have a drink and not need it to be the funnest night ever or a weighty discussion. I enjoyed their company.
Business school has definitely empowered me. I am more of an entrepreneurial thinker than ever, and I feel like it’s okay to get my hustle on and go after what I want. Unfortunately, schoolwork and everything often feel like an impediment to that, and it’s hard to see the long term or short term benefit from what I’m doing sometimes. But at least I’ve figured out what I want, and a good deal of what I don’t want as well
I’ve been forced to admit and embrace who I am, and listen to my feelings.
Business school ironically cleansed me of a lot of my ambitinos, at least for the moment. It took the veneer and sparkle off the corner office. Sure, I’m not there yet but I’ve got a glimpse into that world, which is not all bad at all, and I will have another title. It’s kind of like buying a title of nobility but actually being poor, or so I feel right now, but the truth is that I will use what I have learned to make me rich, and to go after what I actually want to be rich in.
I still feel a lot of frustration over the higher education system and the economy and everything that’s cruel, unfair, and unjust in this world. There are times I’ve questioned my decision to come as so much brainwashing, and staying in the program as so much hogwash. I’ve stopped believing that it’s ok to ignore your heart and you should always think long term and delay gratificiation. I’m still digesting a lot of what I’ve learned and there’s still quite a bit to go.
The next two months will be the hardest studies, coupled with increased pressure to be on the job hunt trail with as much vigor as possible before I go abroad to study again.
I thought doing this multi continent program would cure me of my wanderlust, but turns out it has only whetted my appetite and showed me what’s possibility. It’s also made me really miss someplace and there was a a time I wanted to stya.
This is my path. I can say it was a mistake based on vanity, I can base it on a long term success perspective, I can just admit I was scared and maybe not ready to face the world without another credential to shield me.
But this i s my life. And you know what? It is beautiful. And I am so blessed.