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I just returned from Asia, where I completed my international business degree and also enjoyed a brief detour in Thailand. I went to India, China, and Japan to take courses and meet with businesses operating there- it was a really rich experience.

Now it’s time to try to turn some of what I learned into a career- about myself, about the world, the role of business within it, and what the heck I’m actually here for.

I don’t have any crystal ball or five year plan; I’m continuing to try to find work in Paris, where my heart is, though I know it’s an uphill battle and I’m eager to get work that will improve my career and quality of life.

As of now, the MBA feels like a mixed bag. It was a good experience, I learned a lot, but maybe it was an expensive mistake. There are times I’ve felt completely out of place and have no sense of where my place might actually be. I seem to be going in exactly the opposite direction of what I expected when I started.

I don’t quite have a philosophy of life or a clear direction, except that I really want to get a PhD, and live in France for a year or two more and speak French to perfection.

I also want a boyfriend, and maybe things will work out that way with Y, the guy I met through serendipity in Paris and keep in touch with. I don’t know really if we have enough in common but I sure do miss him.

If things don’t work out in France, I will need to temporarily retreat and try something else. I’m not trying to prepare for failure, but just to be aware of it as a potential outcome.

They say when God closes one door, He opens another.

I still have kind of crappy self esteem at times. It’s hard for me to imagine why anyone will ever hire me given my lack of experience and how out of place I’ve felt in business school. I don’t really know what I want to do either, besides right challenging and deep books.

Maybe that’s what I’ll do while looking for employment.

But I made it through the program, and I have some sense of where I want my next career stop to be: academia.

I feel like I’m taking a lot of leaps of faith, but I need to actually believe in myself in order to really do so.

I got a tattoo of a lotus flower.

I guess I still feel and sound kind of sad, but I’m hopeful.

I think I’m learning I need to trust in something greater than my own vision or cunning.

I’m also learning that I am responsible for my life, and i have to trust myself.

God bless you all. It’s been a great run on this blog, but I think the time has come to leave it behind. I may or may not start another one and begin the self reflective process all over again.

But ultimately, I’ll have to learn by doing. By trying, and maybe failing.

I don’t know exactly who I’m becoming, but I do know that I’m stronger than I was yesterday, I’ve seen more of this beautiful world, and I have love in my heart.

I guess that’s all I really need to know.