I was just reading the book “How to Wake up,” which is a self helpy sort of book based off Buddhist teachings.
One of the three marks of mortal existence is that we have no fixed self. That is, there is no constant, unchanging, solid Me. I am every changing, pliant, shifting, a dynamic process, an ongoing narrative.
While I’ve heard about not being separate from the rest of the universe and that we are all one field of being, no crap, for some reason this hit me today.
So that means I’m normal? That it’s normal to change all the time? That I won’t reach a certain fixed point of “grown up” and that will be all there is of me until I start to shrivel?
The fact that I too will change with the tides, and it’s just the way it is?
That there’s no need to go looking for myself or find myself, there’s no need ot say this is my solid anchor, this is my fixed star, I will always be like _____.
Wow, what a blessing, what a gift, what a liberation. To evolve along with the universe, to grow and change and become as part of my being.
There are no certainties, only possibilities.
I am not a ____. I don’t know if I will ever be ____. I don’t know what will come next, and I don’t know who I will be next either.
And that’s NORMAL. THat’s the way it is supposed to be. It is not my fault for not controlling the universe or controlling the evolution of my self- it’s not all mine to control. And it’s not about control in the first place.
It’s about letting go, and being here now. Being me now, knowing that just like this day, this me can never happen again in the same way, and will never come again.
No need to go find myself. There is no fixed star in my inner horizon.
Not one. I can grow and grow and grow.
We are all grounded in the love that created us, but that’s about it.
Huh. What a fun life this is!
No need to get worried about getting there yet, that I haven’t made it yet, but wherever I’m going, I’m already home.
That is, I’m already here, and I will always and ever be here, and here is nowhere, no palce, nothing but the here and the now.
Let us rejoice and be glad together.