, , , , , , , ,

This has been one of the hardest things for me to discover, admit, and eventually accept about myself. it’s easy to be in denial, to cling to the plans I had for my life and say that’s not what I really wanted. But I think the wanderlust is just a part of me. THe part that always wants to know what’s next, to see and do something never done before, to explore the world and realize all its wonders, and to identify more with humanity, more with the world, than even with my own little white middle class, Catholic, American, large extended family- tribe.

Throughout this process of self discovery, I’ve been afraid of disappointing the people I care about most, missing out on love and true friendship, and just being a Peter Pan, rolling stone, afraid of commitment, without stick to it iveness kind of person.

But maybe just maybe this is who I am. I do know I want to take things a little slower in the sense that I want to stay in the same place for at least a solid year- that place ideally being Paris- but it’s hard to imagine me not wanting to go somewhere.

I don’t think I’m going to stop being an explorer, a wanderer.

The more I imagine staying in America for a few years until I get my break abroad, the more I realize how much I want to go there.

At some point, I have to accept what life will give me and believe it’s all for the best.

But jeez, I have restless feet, a curious mind, and an open heart.

It’s a wonderful world, and I can’t stop myself from playing my part in it. Not for anybody, be it guilt over leaving my family (who as the lovely people they are, have actually accepted it), or for the significant other I haven’t met yet, but feel that it will be a little harder to find him when I’m doing something unusual. Well, maybe someone unusual enough for me will show up that way.

Where are you Mr Right? Sometimes the road is lonely and all I want sometimes is a forever friend (and lover).

And some friends that were dear have literally fallen by the wayside, but maybe that was life and not just travel or enlarged perspective that did that.

I wouldn’t give up all the fun I’ve had over the past few years abroad for anything though.  Well, I can think of a few rare things that have more to do with family than dating though, or even climbing the corporate ladder.

This is who I am, and I am truly proud of it.