I thought about writing an entry about the moments when I knew it was over, or rather, would be over with dudes, and my sad but human attempts to try to cover over them.
But now is not that time.
I was filling out my OkCupid profile, a good exercise in self awareness, when it really hit me:
If what I”m looking for in a guy is open mindedness and willingness to live outside of the US-
Maybe, just maybe, I need to fess up to myself and admit, and accept, and love the fact that I am a pilgrim soul, some degree of a wanderer.
Not to say I don’t envision someday wanting to return to the US.
But I can’t live for that day.
Wow, it feels good to be honest with myself about how I really feel and not judge myself and just open up to life-
That the right person who will accept me and love me as I am is out there waiting for me-
And today is the day that I start to be that person. To treat myself the way I would want my significant other to, and start from a place of self-acceptance.
And patience, if necessary.
I let go of someone I thought was the One. I gave up on someone else who gave me a lot of joy but chooses not to actively participate in my life anymore-
Space to be my best self.
A weight is lifted, I am a little tired from all the emotional energy that has been expended in letting go, but unendingly grateful a friend guided me to this, and that I had the strength to finally do it.
Excited to see what’s next, to advance in faith and trust, and be the person I was born to be.