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The main reason I am single is that there is no one I am in love with, or want to be in a relationship with at this moment, not to mention who is available.

The reason I’ve been single is that I have not had feelings for anyone who was available,

and the reasons I’ve suffered from being single is that with the lack of external validation of partner, I’ve felt like there must be something wrong with me, and that I feared I could never achieve “balance” without a partner in my life, and feared that if I am single now and have been for a while, I will continue to be single forever.

Why am I not in love with anyone? That’s a good question.

Just haven’t met the right person yet, or maybe there’s someone I’ll need to see with new eyes and the benefit of experience.

For a long time, I thought that people who were in relationships were higher up on the Maslow’s hierarchy of self-actualization, more mature, better people, more realistic maybe, and just better off than I was. When I’ve taken the time to talk to some non-single, continuously in a long-term relationship friends, who don’t go out of their way to find time to initiate a talk with me, I don’t envy them at all. To me, their commitments feel like weights that would drag me down, old affections that have been grown out of even if the people haven’t realized it yet, situations where somebody “could do better,” and not everybody wants the same things and someone is being taken advantage of.

I don’t see that many couples my age I actually admire, but I do so love the idea of a relationship, and some of the married couples I’ve seen, most notably my wonderful parents. Whose lives, aside from being happily married and having children and a great family life in general, I am not really trying to emulate otherwise. I think you can have those things without copying their lifestyle though.

The main reason I am single though is that I wanted to figure out who I was and what I wanted. At 25, those things are just beginning to come clear. At 30, I feel like I will really have it down maybe and really know what I want. Right now, I am just experimenting. I have to admit though, that life is an experiment, including relationships, and if I wait to get involved with someone till I have it all figure out, the time will never come. That being said, I just got a pretty stable job in my favorite city in the world and my dreams are coming true.

Someday my prince will come.

Maybe someday is just around the corner, and I’m okay with that.

The truth is, I really don’t want to date. I don’t like playing games, and I don’t like shallow fake social situations. I’m also impatient, ridiculously open, and sometimes unbearably honest.

I fully admit I consider myself above “the Rules,” and break them routinely. That oculd be why I am still single- I refuse to use psychological manipulation tactics to fake love, and I don’t like to play hard to get because I don’t like the idea of “playing,” anything.  The “rules” are probably expedient for landing a relationship- but maybe not so much for love.

I am single because I am open and reading and willing to find love.

I admi I haven’t found it yet, or rather it hasn’t found me.

And that’s okay.

I’ve found a lot of other things that are awesome, much as I think love, being love, will surpass them one day.

I am also single because I’ve figured out how to live happily on my own. That doesn’t mean I want to live happily ever after on my own, but jus t that I know I don’t NEED to be with someone to be happy. In fact, I’d rather not be unless I really really like them. I like me, and I’d rather not go compromising to be with anyone else.

I am single, ready to mingle, and worthy of love.

I am single, and right now, this moment, this is perfect and I am just as I should be.

Namaste,

MJ

 

 

 

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