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I’ve had an awesome day today, and i just occured to me how little of my thoughs were devoted to how a perfect relationship would complete me or some shit like that or what the outcome might be with he dude who I’ve been stressing abou on this blog for over a year. I’s easy to say he just doesn’t care sometimes, but then I realized that when I’m engaged and living my life, I don’t worry about him too much either. Or boys or finding Disney love or any of that in general. I finally have accepted that it happens when i happens and I can’t force it.
I’s neither wrong nor right that I’m not in a relaionship or really seeing anybody now.
It’s not such a big deal at all that Y hasn’t called me and that we may or may not get together.
if anything, I feel nervous abou how it will go, and how crazy it might make me.
The truth is that I’ve realized how much my insecurities have disorted everything and made me resistant to receiving love from a partner and being controlling by being the “giver” and making it easy to just fall into the “i did my best, i’m just rejected ad unloved and misunderstood and neglected” routine. rather than just tell the truth that maybe i wasn’t even that obsessed with him anyway, and maybe we will go our separate ways, and maybe just because i’m not the center of his universe doesn’t mean he doesn’t care at all.
mabe we have to wait and see.

and the truth is, i have spent all day mostly being happy. i have so much to be happy about. i got an apartment today! i looked at bedspreads! i went to the library.

the truth is, life is perfect. as it is.

so yeah, no reason o worry. with or withou him.