True love is letting go.
Sad and sweet and true, painful but beautiful.
This is life.
There is a being out there that I do love.
It took me a long time to realize what love is, even though Forrest Gump knows.
For a long time, I tortured myself and him by trying to hold on. Grasping, clingy, believing that no one else could or would ever make me as happy as he could, and that I had to do everything in my power to make it happen, because without all the blood sweat and tears I could muster, the one would get away, true love would pass me by, and I’d lose him forever.
Well, he was never mine to start with.
And I’ll never be his.
A part of me sighs in joyful release at that, because I will always, always be mine.
I heard all that “if you love something let it go,” stuff for a long time. Who doesn’t know Christina Aguilera “What a Girl Wants?”
I always thought the letting it go was a test. Or rather, looking at Noah from the Notebook, for the weak.
Or the monstruous and unlovable, like the Beast.
But Paulo Coelho says you can never lose me because you never had me, love is freedom, and plenty of other awesome quotes I’m a little too lazy to Google and set up for you at the moment. Just read Eleven Minutes.
So yeah, I love him in my way. I will always see that spark of the divine in him. We’re friends. I couldn’t tell you, at this particular moment, that I would unequivocally want to be in a relationship with him if it was possible, but for whatever reason, I just care about him. There are a thousand well dreamt out reasons to obsess over him, but what made the magic happen is something I’ll never really know.
In fact, he’s going to try to have a far flung life, and I genuinely don’t know when I’ll see him again. It’s been more than two years since the last time, and despite all attemps we were in the same city twice this year and it didn’t work out. I know that doesn’t sound like ironclad friendship, but some things are just not meant to be, at least at that moment.
So here’s to really letting go, and enjoying this person, and not trying to find some way against he odds for us to be together or make him love me. Here’s to realizing how much he does care and always has for me, and that there is no contradiction between that and him ALWAYS encouraging me to pursue my dreams and letting me go.
Isn’t that what love is?
I can’t hold on to him any more. I’m not even sure if he’s best for me. I guess we’ll have to let go and let God.
But it is a blessing on me to have this person to wish blessings for, and to have felt this way.
Some people wait a moment for a moment like this.
Love is true, even if the relationship doesn’t last forever.
Love is eternal, even if its manifestation doesn’t stand the test of our temporal human lives, if it doesn’t withstand the ravages of fate.
I still love him, and I always will.
There are other people I will always love, but he’s special.
And not mine, and maybe never will be.
And it’s okay, and beautiful, and a blessing.