, , ,

I thought my life would have only one narrative arc. I thought it was, grow up, go to school…met your match, get married, and have a family.

I still hope this is one of the greatest love stories ever told.

But I’ve learned to, had to, sing another song while waiting for my Prince to come.

In fact, there have been times I thought I met Prince Charming, but my own song beckoned me on.

I still want my hero to come for me, someday, but I haven’t stayed captive somewhere while he had all the adventures, ostensibly all with the goal of eventually finding me.

But the truth is, the song of myself is the dominant melody. There have been many princes and heroes who have added their tune, some whose chords have changed the symphony of my life forever.

I wonder these days how I will manage to keep following my road in all integrity while my prince continues on his own path. How will he even find me in the first place when I’m off having my own adventures?

And I know, Prince Charming actually has other things to do besides come find me. And I have oher missions to fulfill as well. I’m on my own sacred quest.

And while it sometimes feels like he’s my holy grail, he isn’t really.
Once I find him, he will be part of my calling, part of my vocation-
But the catch is, in order to find someone who truly loves me, I have to be whole in myself.

And that means loving myself. And lots and lots of adventures, and writing poetry, and thinking for myself, singing and playing sometimes all by myself, sometimes with friends or lovers or passing minstrels.

And I guess once he comes, I will have to compromise but it won’t really be a compromise since I will have found that other half, the yang to my yin, shiva to my shakti. It will change my life a lot, and honestly I really love myself.

And the idea of meeting Shiva is kind of terrifying.

I won’t be my same self anymore, but I’m not the same self as I was yesterday anyway.

But in order to find my true hero, I have to be a true heroine. Leonidas’ queen was a strong woman, and I dn’t want to be strong just for him, but also and always, for myself.

So I have to say goodbye to Prince Charming, and cut his head off with all its golden hair. An illusion, a prettily-clad demon, that has haunted my dreams for too long, who has temped me off my path.

With the grace of God, In cha allah, my hero will find me any day now, I know he’s a big part of my prize.

In the meantime, I have myself, and that’s what I’ve been searching so hard for anyway.