, , , , , , , , ,

I had sex with you not because I really liked you, but because I wanted to have sex.
I had an orgasm not because you are a master of the female form, but because I know how to pleasure myself and you didn’t stop me when I moved the right way.
I went on a date with you because I felt like going on a date, not because you were particularly special.

You think I’m infatuated, that I did that just because you impressed me, but you didn’t overpower me in any way. I just like doing that, and it didn’t mean very much to me besides the fact I can stand you, at this moment, and I don’t hate myself for being a little bit intimate with you.

Don’t try to put a box around me, around us, in order to make it grow.
If it’s meant to grow, it will flourish like wildflowers, like wildfire, without a change of Facebook status.
At least not yet.

Because someday, I would have left you, if you didn’t make me a square deal.
Someday, I would have left you, if you didn’t try to take hold of me, a little- at the right moment.

Why yes, I have traveled alone.
I have seen many countries.
There aren’t a lot of pictures of me, because I don’t usually take selfies and I go where I want, when I want, even if there’s no one to keep me company.

And one day, I will let your hand drop, I will even pull away, if my hand isn’t yours to hold.

Because I am something feral, and wise.
You are not the story of my life, and I hope you had some stories before I came to town.

I have yearned for intimacy.
I have wept for a hand to hold and the same arms to hold me, night after night.
But the upshot is, I’m looking for the right pair.

I need you to see my pain and understand my poetry.
I need you to feel my struggle, admire my journey
To know why I don’t regret even one step, not even this particular sleepless night.

I don’t have a problem with intimacy- just self knowledge.
I don’t give myself freely, because I have earned 100% of this self-scars, tattoos, and that playful look you love so much-
I am mine to give, and I’m picky.
Unless my heart is on the line, unless we are balancing on a tightrope so high I can’t see the ground-
unless you promise me a new world that’s never before existed and never will again,
unless your love awakens my soul,
And I’d cross oceans for you,
Or tell you how my day was, and sleep beside you every night-
Unless you transform me for the better and test me like fire purifying gold
Unless your mastery over me is so strong you could tear me limb from limb but you choose not to, you keep me whole instead-

If you don’t kiss me so my whole body aches,
If you don’t piss me off because my soul is on fire-

Love is sailing into the sea, not sure if there is another shore.
Love is getting on the train, because wherever we go, your hand is in mine.

Love is a wild thing, and the band of gold
The sparkling piece of earth created by relentless pressure and time-
The force of nature, the cycle of life-
If you don’t give me the hurricane, the earthquake, the volcano, the flood-
Neither can you give me fertile pasture-
Yours is not the verdure my shepherd meant to give me repose.

It might be strange for you to meet a woman,
Who is the heroine of my own life-
And all you have to do, instead of saving me or wifing me,
Is to make me more me, one thousand-fold,
In your presents.
To give me that part of myself,
I never knew was lacking-
The touch I never knew I missed.

And someday, I’ll find the man whose band of gold is the promise of birth and death-
An end and a beginning.
Someday, I’ll hear the still small voice that comes after the destruction,
The dove telling me the flood is over.
Someday I’ll find him who saves me from my very self-
To make a new world with, who will set everything that came before on fire.
And we’ll abide and grow,
Everyday a cataclysm, an adventure, a moment of repose in the sun-
Forevermore, as two beings never separated,
Eternally whole.

It’s not a pretty dream,
It’s a reality
Having the courage to wait,
Finding the gall to become, audacious
Wild, and free
Letting destiny herself slip the noose around my neck,
Going to my grave with honor and dignity.
never again to be just me,
No longer Artemis, or even passionate Aprhodite,
To become the all-knowing, all-loving goddess I was born to be.
With his hand in mine, and his child in my stomach-
Regarding each other with the look that only souls know.