So here I am, in France- “wherever you go there you are.”
I’ve decided to accept this stage of the adventure, and appreciate this finite and precious moment of my life.
With all its glory, even if it hasn’t gone according to plan.
I’m in the midst, or maybe the prelude of, the greatest love story I’ve ever known. Just because I don’t have the “brass ring,” of being in a couple doesn’t mean I am not loved, nurtured, and appreciated for who I am. It’s a real love story, I love without guarantees or promises. Not till death do us part, but I love you as you are, fully human, no matter what way you show up in my life. And yet, I dream of you, and in my dream, I’m so happy.
And I dare to think you dream of me too, I know it, even if you are too infinitely gentle and protective of me to say it.
I’m happy you are in my life.
And as for France, la merde is still the merde but its a beautiful country, really. And little by little I am making my mark on it as much as it is making its mark on me. Kindness and gentleness are the best weapons. If I leave, it won’t be to flee or to take my revenge- it will simply be a question of finding my destiny elsewhere, and leaving nothing but love and good wishes, and maybe a few good lessons, behind me.
And I dare to dream of a very bright future, even if I haven’t quite made it out yet.
I think the biggest lesson of all is that peace, happiness, and adventure can’t be gained by simply sailing to another shore- it’s a way of living.
And I’m not the same person I was when I lived here before. I do perceive it differently.
And it’s ok.
THere are always wonders in this world, even if they don’t appear to be the same ones.
And I belive in magic, and hope and love and destiny.
And I believe in myself, because I dove in the deep end and found that I really could swim, and even liked swimming. I have more superpowers and abilities that I ever thought.
And the chains that I thought were unconscionable restricts, still chafe at times but they don’t make me bleed anymore.
Most important, I am choosing a freedom that allows me to make ties that bind. Even if these are not the ties I think I will choose to keep.
Someday I will, and I’ll still be free.
and what is the most important thing tha I do?
Not love, not mastery, just breathing, living fully from moment to moment, because that’s what lets great things and goodness in, just a breath at a time.