So there’s been a bit of silence from me despite having lots and lots to do. I needed the time to reflect and go on Facebook and have adventures.
It would be really cool to be like Alexis de Tocqueville or a NYT editorial columnist (or wall stret journal) or Liz Gilbert of Eat, Pray, Love.
ANd in order to do this, I have to have a full life to write about- that means some quiet reflection as well as whatver the life of action I might choose to lead. Because I am PASSIONATE about sharing my experiences.
I wanted to be a professor because I wanted to share big ideas and teach and have credentials and be an expert.
But you don’t need a phd to do that, and having a phd is not exatly about that when it comes down tot he nitty gritty.
I wanted to do management if for no other reason to support myself and get to put some of that big picture thinking into action. I’ve learned a lot.
These days libraries don’t tempt me so much- it’s the call of the open skies and the lives I haven’t lived yet.
My angst over my quarter life crisis and obsession with my self has led me to want to help others in the same position- and there are a lot.
And there’s just some part of me that’s a crazy exhibiionist, not loud but the life of a corner of the party,
I’ve always felt like, when I had a sympathetic ear, I talked too much.
Maybe that’s alright- I have a lot to say, and I make some good stories.
Not always on purpose though.
And I’ll say this- that if I could do any kind of meaningful work, on any given day, it would have something to do with sharing and writing and thinking. It may not always be in written form.
Recently I’ve noticed something wonderful in myself, the ability to look at someone and see them for all they could be, and to believe so strongly in them that they are forced to at least confront the reality of all the good that is in them. That’s a gift of mine.
And I can see the man in the child and the child in the man.
I’ve learned a lot about the power of being a woman- someone came to make me dinner when I was unable to leave the house do to a sprained ankle, and it was wonderful
And yes, I’ve been on facebook a lot, facebook is part of my calling. Who else wouild share random news stories and inspirational stickers???
And I believe in myself, that even my “day job” is part of my dreams, and that living my truth, my calling, is not just a matter of what I do for a living. I don’t have to rearrange my life, I do have to follow my heart.
Any crap about designing your life is just bullshit. You design your life around your heart, not just some abstract concept of what the “good life,” should be, cuz that’s just an empty concept like anything else. We need meaning even more than we need the trip to the beach, though the trip to the beach can be the meaning 😉
Just feeling incredibly grateful for all that is.
It’s time to really write.
Also I”m going to have o work on coming up with a good pseudonym. I think it will be a French name. Big surprise.
And maybe I won’t leave France- maybe this is my adventure- don’t know. It’s up to fate.
But i”m here now, and I’m going to make the best of it.