I am single because it’s almost 3pm and I haven’t left the house yet, haven’t ventured out of my nest since I didn’t hav a close friend to accompany me.

I am single becaus I am brash and outgoing when speaking to he internet, when it comes to posting on facebook, and in general don’t hesitate to scare people away in the guise of being myself, but hesitate to open up when it comes to actually makeing a connection with new people. Outgoing, but shy.

I am single because in the one long term relationship I was in, I realized at the end how many of my own dreams I hadn’t yet discovered and hesitated to get involved with anyone before finding my real self.

I am single because that relationship ended in a tragic but transformative way, and in the hopes of avoiding a messy breakup, I haven’t taken the chance to be with anyone.

I am single because I have an exacting checklist of who I want the person to be, how I want to meet them, and exatly how they should interact with me- rather than general guidelines of kindness, respect, and shared values, I have an entire script they must act out- I feel I can stop myself from getting hurt if I can force it all to go according to plan.

I am single because nothing in life goes according to plan, I have trouble sometimes letting go and letting God, especially in matters of the heart, and because for the past few years I’ve been searching for the perfect plan only to find that no such thing exists and life is changing too quickly to make far-out plans anyway.

I am single because i really wasn’t until this moment or thereabouts that I forgave myself for not having the impossible plan I was supposed to have, and the right person who is likely to turn everything upside down for the better hasn’t had the space to arrive. 

I am single because it ook me this long to experiment with life and find a way of life I love living, for the moment at least, and its taken me a lot of time, a lot of lessons,  and a lot of courage to get here.

I am single because I am still in the process of accepting myself and probably always will be, but it wasn’t until just recently I felt enough love for myself to feel comfortable attracting someone else’s love.

I am single because I am afraid of hurting anyone, because I feel too responsible for their feelings and for having control in the relationshipand that I should take care of them before myself, so I have avoided being in a relationship. No more. 

I am single becaus I refused to take responsibility for how I was blocking my romantic life with all kinds of conditions like knowing the person would be mine forever and would have to make sure I’d never feel loneliness or heartbreak again- I won’t be single for long because I accept the possibility of getting hurt and know that even the most amazing partner won’t be able to make me happy, because only I can do that.

I am single because I was afraid to let anyone into my life who might influene where I go, and I didnt trust myself to have proper boundaries-now I know it’s a balancing act and that I can be a devoted partner while remaining true to myself.

I am single because I chose to “love,” men who were unavailable to me, and I preferred the fantasy of a perfect future with men who were not there for me to the ups and downs of a real life relationship.

I’ve been single because I’ve been afraid to make mistakes, and I’m happy to say that now I am willing to fully join in the dance of being human, missteps and serendipity and all.

I am single because I took the time to find friends who inspire me and support me through thick and thin, who will be there to cheer me on when I’m in a relationship.

I am single because it took me a lot of time to find my sense of intrinsic self worth, regardless of what others think of me, what I achieve, or whether I follow “the rules,” or not- I won’t be single for long because even though it takes a little reminding sometimes, I am happy and proud to be myself, and treat myself with love as much as I can, and know that  I deserve the same from others.

I am single because I wanted to be, because it’s been a great adventure. I won’t be single forever, because I want to be in a healthy, loving, compatible relationship, everything chances, and a new horizon beckons.

I am single and I am happy, and ready to share my happiness with someone special. 

Namaste,

MJ

 

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