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It’s one thing to know what you want, it’s another to create or attract it. But the very act of naming it is a first step. Having had as many miracles as I”ve had in my life, I know there’s a lot just to saying a little prayer and wishing on a star.

But there is of course more to it than that, and not just brute force effort.

We have to create the space for that change to happen.

In my case, that will probably mean waking up earlier every day to write, every day, even if it’s just a small amount.

ANd in terms of attracting love, I need to have my own life uncluttered in order to make room for someone new.

It’s quite real, this feeling of wanting something real and solid, not just an ethereal rainbow you try in vain to hold in your hand, but the solid gem your finger, a new part of you as permanently etched as a tattoo, that throws the light on the walls.

Someone to hold in your arms, someone to make plans with, someone to eat with- that’s what I”m looking for.

I don’t need a platonic image, something so perfect it can’t survive, a bit of lightning that strikes once and never again, lighting up everything around it for a brief moment only to cede abruptly to the dark of night.

Not an image of what could have been, or what should be; not someone to demand approval from, not someone from the life I thought I was supposed to lead.  Someone to free me instead of domestic me; someone to tousle my hair instead of straighten it; someone to love me, 20 extra pounds or not.  Someone who doesn’t provide a real incentive to change, but encourages me to be more of who I am.

Someone who I look forward to giving and receiving daily acts of kindness with, and not just grand romantic gestures of high romance.

A commitment that will make me freer to do the things I really want to do, because I’ll have someone to encourage the best in me and whose vision of life will make mine richer.