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As an American living in today’s culture, an expat professional in a global economy, far away from family and friends, an independent career woman, a feminist, a badass solo adventure traveler, and an anonymous, secretly brilliant blogging genius hidden away from prying eyes and the literary community, I have been taught that it’s good and strong to be able to go it alone.

And so many times, I hear you have to have it all together on your own before you can attract the right person to your side. THat you have to be a great individual contributor and nknow your stuff before being a manager. THat leaders must be strong, charismatic, and somehow above it all. And writers who type away without declaring themselves and such an getting MFAs and proclaiming their identity as artists from the rooftops are probably morally and technicallysuperior to their fellows who claim proud allegiance to the group of thesmelves.

One of the most sad, sublime, lonely, and proud moments of my life was when I had to go to the emergency room alone (for a sprained ankle), in a foreign country, speaking only my foreign language, got impatient/ignored waiting for someone to push me out to meet my cab home (since I didn’t have anyone to pick me up, and had lost my phone for that matter) so I just got up and cowboyed it out of there, limping my way out, and then ascended six flights of stairs to my tiny apartment, where I then navigated medical assistance in a foreign country with no insurance coverage ta the time (just a matter of paperwork and administration although I was later reimbursed) and you know, dealt with that shit.

But the truth is, I knew I wasn’t alone. My family even offered to fly out and meet me, and people from work were worried I wouldn’t have groceries. ALone is an illusion, although loneliness is part of the essence of the human condition.

I look forward to one day being a leader in my team, and of courre more than just a boss, but even bosses depend on others. The only way businesses are able to accomplish so much is through combined, collaborated, coordinated efforts. Lone geniuses in garages and melancholy agorophobic poet laureates may exist,and yet we are never really alone; we never have come from nothing, and alone is highly relative.

But yeah, I am growing up, and I have gotten used to doing maany things alone. SOmetimes what once felt like a liberation, like getting a meal at a restaurant with just a book to keep me company, felt like the ultimate in liberation just after the breakup of my first relationship.

But yes,there is no shame or harm in having someone to lean on as you climb up  the staircase. And you certainly can’t create even a fraction so much differenc ein the world, or realizing of your own individual dreams, unless you enlist epope.

Really.

So I think this is the paradox we have to accept, and realize it doesn’t make us godless, pinko, unbathed socialists.

But it does make us more human to acknowledge both sides.

All is well.

Veyry tired.

Love you all

PS

Get to sty in France pretty muchforever ! congrat signed!

Love,

MJ

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