I will kick your ass at everything, make more money than you, and basically just use you as a prop in re-enacting movie scenes.

Good thing I have long since given up on the idea of meeting another authentic human being to start a life with.

Now I know why all my less talented girlfriends are married.

We would’t want the gene pool to get too smart anyway.

Ignorance is bliss.

On the bright side, the idea that romantic love will provide meaning to life or needed comfort is just a myth anyway.

Nothing is as good in reality as in your imagination, is it?

No wonder I can’t meet a guy who hasn’t already cut his own balls off in one way or another. NO wonder I stay a little plump and ill-put together.

Can’t do too much to put the guys off.

There’s always hope that I will find someone more intelligent (read:lacking social skills) or at least an exceptionally arrogant bastard.

Don’t worry, intimidated men, you aren’t missing much. I would kick your ass at everything that actually matters in life (videogames and sports don’t count), make more money than you, and tell lots of jokes you wouldn’t understand (but not at your expense, because I observe the rules of chivalry and don’t pick on the weak). You would have basically just been a prop acting out the famous romantic movie scenes which I have long since dismissed as hopeless fantasy, and would have had to watch the Notebook and Dirty Dancing a few times (just kidding, I’m too much of a cinema snob for that).

Too bad it didn’t work out though, I needed someone to do all the mindless menial work typically delegated to a 1950s housewife. O, the bridge games you could have been playing when I was out providing for the family. I wouldn’t have made you wear heels when cleaning the house though.

Thanks Science, for answering a good part of the seemingly eternal question, “Why am I still single?”
(I’m a dumb smart ass bitch, not Machiavellian enough to act dumber)