Yes, I would like to have my own tiny human, someday, though
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
It is physical, mental, spiritual.
It doesn’t make sense.
And no, I’m probably not ready for all the blood and mess and sacrifice of a baby, but no, that doesn’t mean I don’t want one.
I discussed with a friend a few months ago regarding single women getting impregnated without a man in their lives. I thought, and still think, it’s selfish to bring a new child into the world without giving it a dad. I think women are not enough.
And yet, not long ago, I dreamt I was pregnant and didn’t know the father/there was no father, and I was still overjoyed.
And kind of relieved not to have to co-parent with someone, relieved not to have to make a relationship work for the sake of the baby.
This is not to say I don’t long for love. I don’t think my dream was exactly about a real physical baby, I think it was about birthing a new spirituality.
I long long long for love.
for a long time.
Sometimes it feels so far away and hopeless. I hope life surprises me, and soon.
But yeah, people belittle it, I feel, this yearning for a baby.
I don’t know why. Yes it’s hard, and once you have one you can’t walk away.
You can’t leave your job to travel the world without a steady source of income, and child care.
Though maybe you can, to a certain extent.
I think the myths about what is needed to have a child are used to keep us in line and working without asking too many questions. People will do many things out of fear, and anything to keep their children safe.
Speaking of which, I should call my parents.
I don’t want a baby now but, man, my life would be richer with more children in it.
I need one.