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writing this to: https://www.facebook.com/laboratoriumpiesni/

So I guess the point of this post is that I didn’t expect, or particular want, my spiritual journey to take me to the place where I’ve ended up, for now at least.

Right now the Muslim edict against making visual representation of God seems incredibly apt. Sometimes you show things best by not showing them, if you’ve seen the Blue Mosque or Taj Majal (which to be fair is a memorial, not a mosque but still feels like sacred to all that’s holy about the love between a man and a woman interrupted only by death). Sometimes it’s the negative space that makes the picture.

I’m not sure how I feel about the ressurection of the body. However, I do think that the conduct of Jesus during his life is holy, and I think it’s quite true that He was the son of God. And why not? All things are possible from God. But I guess the important thing for me is what Jesus taught, not His supposed power or expecting to get a return on investment by going to Heaven. He did say we were supposed to be building the kingdom on earth.

I think there is a lot of truth in Buddhism, and a lot of suffering comes from mistaken mental schemas. I don’t necessarily want to be part of institutional Buddhism, and I certainly feel the presence of the sacred more in a traditional Catholic church than I did in the elaborate temples I’ve seen in Asia.

I considered goign to Israel to see the sacred sites of the New Testament, but it seems quite unclear how much is truth and how much is myth. ANd I’m sure the religious tourism with the tacky plastic Rosary beads, religious sects fighting over control of sacred sights, the dogmatic pilgrimage groups- would be nothing I’d like to write home about.

It is a huge relief to admit I’ve stopped going to Church, and unless my heart tells me otherwise, I don’t plan to go back at least not in a dogmatic way. I love myself as a woman too much. It’s not that i don’t believe in the importance of ritual and all that, but there’s definitely more out there and the Church does not have a monopoly. While I believe God is present everywhere, I don’t really think the Pope is the one and only bridge between humanity and GOd is the Supreme Pontiff. I don’t think God would make gay people if he didn’t want people to be gay. While I think God is present in every moment of our lives, I don’t think that biology is the destiny He/She intended for us and we were created to be independent actors.

I believe the universe is vast, we are nothing but stardust and to dust we shall return. I think there’s more to us than physical matter and brain function, I believe that spirit has real existence even if we can’t measure it, and by the way, reality as we know it is just the product of how human brains function. I do believe there’s something more to this and our consciousness doesn’t end after this life, but I don’t know where it goes. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn we exist as awe and wonder in the infinite universe. I hope we retain a personal consciousness but are stripped of our egos. Perhaps that is what is meant by in the Kingdom of Heaven none are married or given in marriage. Keeping in mind at the time marriage was an economic arrangement.

I think the biggest relief is to admit I don’t know, and I am not going to trust only one source to tell me. THere are some things I know though- how to act, at least 99% of the time. I trust my wonder and awe.

I think the biggest source of the sacred for me in Catholicism is the love and family that I associate with it. I think there are a lot of great things about Catholicism. But I would rather be a Francis of Assisi or Joan of Arc kind of Catholic, that is to say, ones that weren’t really appreciated by the hierarchy.

I think there’s a lot to the idea of rituals and religions needing to be transparent to the eternal, and that we have to keep in mind there could be some level of metaphor going on. I do think water could be turned into wine and miracles happen every day. But I don’t believe that holy books are written without a secular agenda and we should be cautious of them.

I don’t believe women are evil, and I do believe that God sometimes has a woman’s face.

And that God is not an old man making sure the hierarchy is respected, sometimes he is a young woman full of questions too.

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