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I have grown fat with hungers denied

Hungers hidden

Hunger buried under shame.

 

Nothing could sate me

When I did what I was told

I was

Consumed,

always scared and hungry.

 

To fit the mold,

I took on layers of cushion

so my heart couldn’t be seen,

so I could hide the truth from my eyes,

like my feet.

 

I didn’t know I was pregnant

Like a Venus of Willendorf,

Round round full

Beautiful, profane

Primal,

Complete.

 

I didn’t know the life-giving power of my hunger.

I didn’t know it was a volcano scattering earth

In the directions of the four winds

Fertilizing the earth.

 

They stopped me up

Put a cork in all my holes

So the life couldn’t get out.

So I couldn’t breathe.

 

And now, after years of pressure building,

I shake the earth,

It tears in two–

I slough off my extra flesh

Like a sculptor chisels his marble block.

 

Life emerges

All me, a perfect virgin birth

Of the most wanton whore

Like the dragons of Indonesia,

I didn’t need a mate to spawn.

 

I am the beast, and the princess.

No longer a captive, no longer a slave

Not a tormentor, not a victim

I shed my fate like a serpent shedding his skin

Embracing my destiny.

 

They never told me I could fly

A dragon, a garuda.

 

They never told me I’d be beautiful-

A Botticelli, a Venus de Milo.

 

I am so pure

A spring, a flame.

 

I couldn’t express my hunger

I couldn’t even feel it

I couldn’t give it a name,

A young girl who discovers her bleeding.

 

But finally my hunger ate what was me

A black widow devouring her mate,

Nature consuming society

Freedom breaking the iron bars of fear.

 

And now I am something that has never existed before-

A garuda, a sphinx

A virgin taming the unicorn, his horn in her lap.

 

I stopped being good, I stopped being evil.

I started being,

and it was good-

a snake eating her tail.

 

The hunger I denied

An avalanche of me building up for years

Crushing all its its wake-

Emptiness that became somethingness

A soul eaten to emptiness called into rebirth.

 

And now the fire across the sky

The dragon devours the heavens

The maiden fearless beside him.

 

Only a question remains-

Who am I today?

 

 

 

 

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