I take to the internet, asking a group of digital nomads the eternal question-
Should I stay or should I go now?
Stay, and build, and get citizenship maybe. Go, on a new adventure, hoping that somewhere else is better, and maybe a bit better paying.
The answer was overwhelming “STAY”
A kind soul took the time to message me directly- “It’s not about France, it’s about you. What do you really want to do? Write that memoir. In the time it takes to get citizenship you can have sold the book and be planning book tours.”
And i can get to be a hotshot in content marketing and social media and enhance my professional reputation and pay off date and get that passport that will let me come back to France, always. Because I still love it and always will- even if at some point, I let go.
I talked to my good friend, who has also read the Alchemist a thousand times.
“Right now you’re the shiney shop guy who wants to go to Mecca, because you are comfortable and it might be good or bad”
So what is my Mecca- everywhere and nowhere, the road.
Space without center or limit.
Living out of a suitcase.
Being able to experience the world in all its diversity and beauty, and owning next to nothing.
At least for a time. To go, and support myself as I go, to have roots in the earth itself-
after having spent my youth in France incha allah.
As for the man and the baby? If they come to me, when I am my full, lovely, enchantress, free spirit, arms wide open, travelling fool aspiring surfer girl and mountain mama self, why not?
If someone can take me with my philosophy, with my Buddhism, with my extraversion, with my sensuality and all my fire, YES.
But I am done trying to fit into a box- whether it be for a man or money or motherhood.
I am not an earth creature. I come from the fire, I fly in the sky. The earth is my friend, not my property. I flow like the ocean, in big waves, and sometimes in alpine lakes tucked high in the clouds.
I write and I speak and I tell my tales.
So I realized I’ve been to forty countries, and I hadn’t even realized it at the time.
“Your blog is about seeking and finding,” said my wise friend, my guardian angel.
I would rather have forty countries than forty blocks of gold. I want to be rich, yes, rich in experience and luxury and full of abundance and true prosperity.
YES money, but so much else.
So maybe I don’t want a cat and or a baby in such desperation as I thought before, even if I think babies are cute.
And as for a lover, I’m ready, but I’m not waiting for anyone.
I’m not a nun or a monk or anything like that, but I am vowed to the sky quand meme.
I am radiance, come what may, and that’s more important than trying to snare a man or rushing to be on time for a baby.
If they are mine, they will come.
And maybe I won’t be in the mood to roam forever.
Nothing is forever, all compounded things are impermanent.
And I am a Buddhist, whether I have taken refuge in the Buddha or not.
I have taken refuge in the sweet sad impermanence of the beauty, ugly, and ever changing world. I take refuge in the path, that never leads exactly where we think. I have taken refuge in joy and wonder and most of all, surprise.
I have taken refuge not in a country, but in liberte, egalite, fraternite
Joyeux fete de la Bastille
May we storm the prisons of our minds and gain victory every day.