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It’s not everyday you get to have a genuine little crush on someone, and I am trying to be greatful for this unlooked for little flutter of warmth which has raised my standards and reminded me of what it means to be intimate.

Yes, it is the French lover sailor guy, the one that wasn’t at all what I was looking for, and I was afraid would mean settling if I were to go with its flow, becuse he didn’t check every box and yes, he’s on a ship far away a good portion of the year.

But truth be told, I am really kind of excited abou thim, because he is easy to be with, and I wonder if the reason I barricaded myself in an apartment to dirty to court suitors and didn’t open up to anyone else for a long time despite having such a clear picture what I wanted and trying hard to find it was that I didn’t know what I wanted until I received it.

I”m sure there are other people that could be for me, that would make love just as well and have many interests in common and with whom things would be easy.

But for the moment, I like him, and I will try to live with the mystery of that. I like him. I like him, I like him, and I do believe that he likes me too.

And that’s pretty nice for now.