As a successful professional, solo traveling, sexually adventurous, socially well-supported, creative, blah blah blah amazing young woman, I have found fulfillment in many areas of my life. I would say I am mostly happy with my life, and on more days than not, hapy with who I am and to be myself. I am an incredibly blessed person, and what’ smore, I lke hth eperson I have become.
But yes, I always fel like there is something that is missing, Not only because I havne’t lost the last ten pounds or even the approximatley thirty I put on during my spiritual crisis, but also because the idea of “SUCCESS” has alwas included other people. ANd it always seemed that in the end, I would be complete without these two elements.
And now the most upsetting truth has become clear to me, up there with the idea I don’t have to live my life the way my parents do in order to be a good perosn:
WIFE AND MOTHERHOOD will not create th eperfect picture fanatsy life. They will create feelings of certainty. The will not be easy to bear, comforting knots.
It will be difficult, and you’ll never know how it will work out. You’ll never know the person will stay with you, or how your child will turn out despit eyour best efforts. Both of those things are pbetting your current and future happiness, your whole life, to beings you cannot come close to controlling.
And yet, we hear in society that this is the only thing that relaly matters in the end for women, unelss they are carer women of course.
I can’t resist without being in relations to. I cannot be myself without being with HIM and having HER.
Bu tthis i sjus ta concept. And it mayor may not be tru.
This is certinly something I cnnot directly control, except to avoid bad guys as much as possible and try o hang around good ones. And don’t forget, I can smile.
This is not to say I don’t want to be a wife and mother, but now Ithink I am closer to understand what they are.
THey will not heal everything in my life, they will not provide a sure and certain drp of external validation that will make up for any inner lack of self fullfiment.
They might be wonderful, beautiful things ni their own life, but ultimately, th ebeauty of my life is up to me.
So this is one way my brain has jumped outside of the cadre, outside of the framework.
Thanks in no sall part to my older and single friends, who are fabulous.
THe truth is, I just haven’t met someone worth not being single for yet.
THe truth is, everything is taken care of by a higher power.Even the story I told myself, abotu hselling out to the man and leaving France and traveling to india and then still missing frnace, gaining my soul called heart’s desire, and reaoizing it alone wans’t gonna do the job.
I have done A LOT of iner work over the past year and few years.
At least when you smash an ido or kill a buddha, you get a surprise.
Not unlike the kinder surprise that are illegal in america, but more like a fortune cooke.
We spend all our lives chasing our dreams, only to find that when GOd graces us with them coing rue. It is always and ultiamtely tthrough his grace. We are nver perfect, and sometimes not quite deserves, but GOd believes we deserve better and gives it to us.
ANd it is ALL the spiritual journey.
Nothing is ever so simple as hapening as a consequence of our actions and only that, we are part of so much more.
And yes, the universe made my dream come true, by the grace of God, and then it happened, and I was STILLL depressed. Now I am happy, I aam happy for what I figh for.ofught for.
So please, if you are in despair, reach out to someone.
ANd please releaize happiness does not come frm gettingwhat you want.
It comes from wanting what you have!