Just got done watching Disney’s Frozen with my sisters. *SPOILER ALERT*
In the climactic moment of the movie, the heroine is torn between what she believes to be saving herself by letting her true lover save her or saving her sister just before she is about to expire.
She chooses to save her sister, and that act of true love is what breaks the curse and saves her life.
Like Tangled and Brave, this new Disney epic is all about girl power and sisterhood. But a part of me misses the old Disney movies, where the girl ultimately is saved by her dude.
But this parable is pretty awesome in showing that you can be a hero and be loved at the same time. That’s pretty powerful stuff.
As much as the whole princess getting saved thing can be looked at as damaging and regressive, I don’t think it has to be.
Vulnerability is a part of life and the key to love.
GOing a little Campbellian/Jungian here, I’d also say that it is fair for a dude to have to pursue a girl a bit. Because if you are truly complete in yourself, what does a dude have to offer you, besides domesticity and being tied down and maybe unconditional love and a baby and doing a social thing?
Right now I’m not in a relationship, but I’d like to be in one in the next few months. There’s a guy I keep in touch with but when it comes down to it, when I wake up and check my email he’s not the first thing on my mind. not by a long shot, and that’s ok.
What can a guy do for you if you already “have it all” by yourself? Because if you really do find your soul mate, your whole life, however happy you are with it, is going to change dramatically. You will be transformed.
You can still be a hero(ine), obviously. You can still sing your own sing and be your own kind of crazy. But your peaceful alone time and not thinking of anyone but yourself will end. That seems to be the price of love.
And I guess when relationships are healthy they don’t take a lot of analysis, but the last time I had real feelings for someone who was an active part of my life, the ebb and flow of emotional currents and the fact that you actually CARE does seem to take a lot out of you at times. It makes you wonder what you are getting back, and then you feel like amonster for being so calculating, and you go back to your romantic pining self once the relationship for whatever reason becomes impossible.
Because it’s much easier and much more poetic honestly to pine for one absent than deal with someone who is near. The mystery and many colored nature of romance and relationship are easy to wish for but really a burden to get caught up in.
There comes a fear of losing one’s independence.
Of not wanting to be like your girlfriends who have nothing to report but hanging out with their boyfriends and not seeming to have fully engaged with the lives they really wanted to live before making this person a priority in their life. Or perhaps just not letting them go.
I guess the fear of losing one’s independence is a good thing, compared to the needy desire to meet someone so you’ll finally be understood and all that. Because you just want someone, and you think they will fill your empty hole, the hungry ghost inside you.
But maybe you’ve been around the block a few times and realize that the few times you thought you found that, it was fleeting or the object of your affection was too distant to be human. No one actually available could ever give you that.
The heady rush of dillusion, the sweetness of fantasy.
What is real? What does it really feel like?
Is it like those times I had his hand in mine and we were just happy and it wasn’t with the person I expected and I whispered to myse,f “Is this all there is?” But now I look back and I just want to squeeze all the tighter.
I feared in that moment it was fragile and fleeting, not “the real thing.”
I think the real thing is someone who will save you, while you go on saving the world in your own way. Though as Rumi says, “Yesterday I was clever and wanted to change the world, Today I am wise and change myself instead.”
Is it someone who passes the meditation pillow? A friendly eye to proofread your resume? What is love?
Someday maybe I will look back longingly at this post, at my naivete and innocence and the simple pleasures of the life I lead now. Maybe I will have what I always thought I wanted and will find it brought me more struggles and heartache and confusion and delusion than I ever expected, and I will pine for my independence and girlhood and freedom, though Janis Jopline says it’s just another word for nothing left to lose.
Or maybe, just maybe, I’ll look at this meandering post with a hint of nostalgic, but also a smile, because what was waiting for me was so much better than anything I could have imagined. Maybe it wil lbe a dream come true without turning into a pumpkin. It will be Prince Charming’s kiss reviving me from a long unconscious sleep, or a love that works miracles around me and in the people I love like Belle’s. Maybe someone will put his life physically on the line for me, or maybe just maybe he’ll be willing to upend everything in his life to put me first, before himself, and make my happiness his own.
Maybe it will be a dream come true, though I can’t imagine what it will be like. A desire whose fulfillment really will bring contentment.
I write this post at a time of exceptional good fortune in my life, when my professional dreams and desire to move ot France have come true. As I explained to one friend, there is no question in my mind this is what I want. I know there will be many hard days when I get there and still there are some things I need to settle before I can arrive but gee, I am so happy. I am going into my new job with a positive attitude and hoping to make a life of it there. I lok forward to decorating my apartment and meeting new friends and raising hell and having someone to cook with and for. I look forward to the true friends already awaiting me there.
Is this love? Yes, I think it is.
I wondere when I will find man of my heart, and I pray it is as sweetly as I found the city I didn’t even know I was looking for. A new life, a dream that saves me by giving me the chance not only to save, but create myself with the blessings of Heaven.