On this sunny morning, with a little extra time on my hands, I’m going to figure out how I got here and where I would like to be going. Maybe I will figure out how to get there too.
So right now, I just feel a ton of quiet desperation that I would rather be in France. Philly is awesome, definitely exceeding expectations. I enjoyed business school more in France because I was in a totally multicultural environment, got to speak French everyday, and also probably because I wasn’t tired of it yet. My hopes were a bit higher and due to the very quick format of the courses I didn’t feel as much pressure to get good grades as I seem to in America, as much as I don’t really exert myself to the maximum to get said grades.And I had a boo.
I ask myself these days, Why did you go to business school? I had a lot of reasons, but I think the real one was a combination of not really having a clear next step (shocker) or anything I felt particularly passionate about. And I have met some amazing people because of business school, I have learned some useful things, and it will be useful to me to complete the degree. I do want to be an MBA when it comes down to it.
All I really want these days is to go back to France at an organization connecting the public and private sector. That is really the thing foremost in my mind. Not really France, but Paris.
I also have this guy”situation” and it kind of bothers me that to him “tres bientot” is not quite yet. [It is hard with the time difference I guess but it’s a different conception of very soon than I have. And why doesn’t he want to talk to me at the earliest opportunity! If nto what else is doing! ] And the truth is, he’s probably not ging to ever be like my first ridciulously devoted boyfriend, and the situation is not really conducive to that. We could try to be like the Notebook but it’s not relaly like that and I’m pretty sure his attitude towards life would not permit him to be miserable over something he couldn’t control like, that, especially when we didn’t know each other that long. Maybe longing for the notebook and the guy I broke up with years ago with no regrets is not the right path here. And maybe I don’t really want him to call me everyday and make me feel a sense of obligation towards him. Maybe i can just love him as he is, and at the least, accept him.
Right now, I’m passionate about French, Paris, travel, the art of the possible, the transformative power of education in society, civic innovation (to a certain extent), writing, the contemplative arts broadly defined, and of course, personal transformation as a result of travel, education, and how all the processes of life and political, economic, and educational systems converge to form the person that you are today.
It seems to me that life is a series of processes, and we don’t really know how they are going to interact. There’s the process of finding a mate (or not), of figuring out what you want to do, of everything else that’s going on in the world, of family, of finding yourself/wisdom/contemplation, and also just learning to have faith not only in yourself but iin something greater.
So here goes! Wish me luck on another new day!