So, me and my dude friend have had quite a twenty four hours. Not in the positive, horizontal way or even in a rom-com crappy saccharine ending kind of way.
No, just in a ridiculously intimate, way to drill down to the depths of my very soul, sort of way.
So to start with, mr master’s degree obviously did not associate himself with the first poem I sent him. That would be asking too much. Or he just knows I adore him but we both try to ignore it, or rather just turn love into a series of exceptionally intimate but abstract discussions.
So I sent him another one, which included physical details he might possibly have asociated with himself. And telling lines about having to cross oceans for love and appreciating that the person love dyou enough to let you go and do your thing without giving you a reason to stay, etc.
Then we had a long talk about hwo he loves the chase but has no clue what comes after happily ever after, and that eventually turned into a sort of fight that turned into a direct discussion about our relationship and ways he has hurt me and me being a little bit mean but ultimately, getting issues out into the open, me getting to speak my mind about some things that he does that I don’t think are healthy, and the relationship remaining intact, and even stronger. Defined as a friendship, but clearly something more. A really deep connection between two people who really care about each other, and quite possibly the most intimate connection in each other’s respective lives.
A basis for fairy tale love- when both characters get their shit together. Mostly him it’s easy to say, but also me.
And in the meantime, I have a real person, besides you, dear readers, to listen to my inner monologues and understand.
Whatever happens, I’m better with him than without him. To deny the connection I have with him would be ridiculous, and would not really heal the underlying issues.
Our relationship is not one-sided, it’s just that one side is a little more expressive than the other. But I love him. And he thinks the world of me. And that’s enough.
In other news, I have been getting some signals that maybe I should do a little more with my writing. I actually enjoy it a lot mroe than my real job, and I enjoy my real job and my adventures largely as fodder for things to write about. I need to have some sort of creative projec in my life that I feel invested in, a baby of sorts. And there is a professional site I publish blogs on- a friend suggested I write one on being an expat. So I will
Maybe a more structured project? Something eat pray love ish? I somehow think that would make me feel beter.
Got to turn life into art and live a beautiful life.
A beauty that is fully organic, beyond my design and control.
Which I am doing, act by act. It feels like such a dramatic couple of weeks, and it has been. But a lot of inner conflicts have been resolved, persistent knots untied, and for that I”m grateful.
Thanks for all your support!