So I’ve been in Philly for about five days now. In some ways it feels like Paris was a dream, and even Washington too though I spent 3 summers there. I don’t think Philly is my city, but I’m settling in and found a yoga studio. Really want to get healthy in the next few months to face whatever comes next.
I’m really moved in with some drawers and everything, but still haven’t really started unpacking. Hoping to get some done before I go to yoga today, so I can get a little organized before the semester starts. It feels kind of final when stuff comes out of the bags. That even if you know you are going to leave, you are committed to living in the now.
I’ve got Paris decorations in my room, and I just got my first job to apply for in Paris. Not sure if it’s the right fit, but I think I should apply. I’ve been feeling funny about it, since I realize I could be happy everywhere and anywhere and I have such an awesome family here, not to mention it might be easier to find dudes who speak the same language of Americana here, though it might be better to find dudes who are travelers there, and tentatively, I think that’s where my path might lie, if the right job opportunity comes. It isn’t Paris or bust, but it’s a distinct possibility I’m going to throw my weight towards.
Like all goals, it is better to be committed to it. I knew when I was in Paris I wanted to fall in love with something, and didn’t really want to force it, but I logically can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be if the conditions were right. But I’m right here in West Philly right now, and it’s time to unpack. Time to live today with the same engagement as though I’d be here forever, even though I only plan on staying till June. This is the real challenge of life, since we are all just passing through on our way to something better anyway 😉
And as for potentially moving to Europe with an indefinite time horizon, not knowing when I’ll come back, being there to stay, whoa. That feels me with a certain crazy feeling. Like “What are you thinking.” And I feel that way, not towards Europe but towards anyplace there is no clear end date to, even if it was Washington or San Diego. Knowing you could leave anytime, but unless you choose to, this is where you’ll stay.
Finding myself ironically facing two sides of the same mystery of life, the enigma of impermanence.
I am both a proud American and francophone/phile traveler.I need to accept that and not make a false choice between the two. And realize that neither of those identities are what really define my love or my life, they are just vehicles that take me to something higher, the masks I where/wear that is as part of me as my skin.
Take me home, country roads…
but not to West Virginia. I think not, at the moment.
A traveler by choice, born American by chance, lucky/chanceuse, I pray for courage to choose wisely and well.