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So I basically started this blog in the throes of insecurity and indecision of what my life would be like when I started my international MBA. During that time, I felt deeply unsettled about the MBA itself and it didnt really jive with how I saw the world or the person I wanted to be in it, but I did like the travel involved in my international business specialization and it seemed like a good way to make a living and have some financial security particularly after having a government degree that didn’t get me too far although in retrospect there were probably more opportunities for pivots I just didn’t like them. I felt like I needed an advanced degree to get anywhere and more of the same didn’t seem to make much sense. My former mentor, who I no longer look up to, suggested I do an MBA. I remember when I told my mother about the idea and she said something like, “that’s the first sensible idea you’ve had yet.” And so it was that I pivoted from my original idea of being a college professor, which was a long and hard and risky path with pretty scant financial rewards or security at the end (besides I struggle with the focus required for specialized research) , to applying for business schools. I had hardcore imposter syndrome due in part to my lack of corproate experience adn also the feeling I was too soft to be there and stood out too much, that I wasn’t a real MBA. I experienced significant mental health issues during my time and put on an f ton of weight in a short time, and basically in different ways I’ve dealt with some degree of the same since I started down that path.

Now I am also an astrologer and while the stars dnot explain causality they do tell a story of the directions your soul decided it wanted to move when it chose to incarnate. And mine does point towards higher learning, philosophy, long distance travel, cross cultural relations (9th house) and spirituality, compassion, healing, surrendering the ego, so getting another graduate degree and in this field particularly and for this purpose seem to make sense.

I’ve gotten a coaching degree (which was as expensive as some grad degreees though nowadays not sure) and it has not been easy to turn it into a living- I feel like I’ve been blocked from both internal and external factors, and also to be honest, having lots of deep ethical concerns about the field itself. Despite my own education and supposed discernment I’ve run into snake oil salespeople and I think there’s a lot of people in the field who are out of their depth and sometimes actively harmful due to lack of training, self awareness or critical thinking. The same can certainly be said for therapists as well but at least clients have a review board they can go to and there’s a charter of ethics. I think the other thing is that as I’ve coached people I’ve noticed deeper and deeper things to work on and it feels like doing window dressing to be a coach.

I was actually interrupted in writing this post by a call from someone I love, and in the time since I’ve left off a ton of things happened confirming my original speculations and putting me on a path. I had some reservations about counseling/therapy being close enough to 9th house, as I had always thought I would be a teacher of some kind and I met an LCSW who got into the field due to his love of teaching adult education, when he realized, “Wow, I could teach people what I know about healing their childhood wounds which has been the most valuable thing in my life, and how good would that feel?” so that seemed like a clear confirmation. And there’s just been a lot of synchronicity and clarity emerging.