I can’t put into words just how much I’ve come to love my body, mostly because of Crossfit.
But also because of the gift/curse of the 30 pounds I put on during b school (and which I”ve started to take off- it’s nice to see my cheekbones again 😉 but damn
I have hips! I have an ass!
Not to say I didn’t before, but they didn’t take up as much space. In fact, for most of my life one of my main desires was simply to be smaller everywhere. To be shorter, less broad shouldered, to ahve daintier hands, and be more “feminine” to look like smebody else- whether that be a “real woman” like plus size model Crystal Renn or Joan from Madmen, or some super model whose bones alone are much smaller than mine.
No, in a weird way I’m happy I had to come to terms with my body. If it weren’t for the extra weight, I’d never have found Crossfit and learned to face my fears, or give up diet soda, and stop seeing myself as anything but somehing that passed or failed being up to standards. A boyfriend once told me I was a 7.5/10 and could be a 10/10 if I lost some weight. i was hurt at the time, but I agreed with him deep down. Even now, I know I would jump higher, move faster, feel better, and yes, look damn good with a bit less bagage. But I am happy to say, he’s not my boyfriend anymore, and I don’t hang around with people who make me feel bad. So sometimes that imperfection has actually protected me. And attrated me to people who loved me for who I was.
In fact, most of my realtionships haven’t changed at all since I gained weight. Even my mother has told me I look good when she’s the one person I can count on to be dead honest.
But yeah, my body is capable of so much I never thought it was. There are some things I still haven’t mastered- like jump rope- and I still have far to go.
but I like using my body!
And I am so blessed to have it!
My body is sometimes my refuge from the whirling sands of my mind. It’s my body that tells me how I am really feeling and makes it possible to cut through the chatter.
it’s the pain I felt in my heart that showed me something deep down was wrong. And when it lifted, I knew i had hit on something solid.
It’s my body that found me those guys I loved, that said, HELL YEAH and just felt at ease arund them somehow, and wanted to get closer.
It’s my body that enables me to be a living goddess, in and out of the sack.
So, I’m just grateful for the moment. Yes as always I am trying to imprve, but it’s nice to just be happy with myself, and not just slyly hope that self acceptance will lead to weight loss.
It will, but that’s not the point.
The point is that my body- yes MY body- is freakin awesome.